301. All My People - Leslie

• FADE IN:


• INT. HONDA SEDAN - NIGHT


• The Honda hums along the highway.


• ARNOLD takes his eyes away from the road for a moment to glance at his 11 year-old niece, TAYLOR.


• TAYLOR
• I'm so bad at directions. Where are we?


• ARNOLD
• We just got on the 405...near Van Nuys.


• TAYLOR
• Oh, ok.


• ARNOLD
• What are you going to do when you have to drive yourself?


• TAYLOR
• Uncle Arnie, I won't drive myself...I'm going to have people.


• Arnold snickers.


• ARNOLD
• People, eh?


• TAYLOR
• Yes, and I'll tell my person where to drive and if she gets lost, I'll fire her and get a new person.


• ARNOLD
• What other people would you have?


• TAYLOR
• Someone to cook all my food and give it to me.


• ARNOLD
• Let me guess, you'll have refrigerators full of...hmmm chocolate, lots of chocolate?


• TAYLOR
• No.


• ARNOLD
• Ice cream? You like Chunky Monkey.


• TAYLOR
• Uncle Arnie! I don't want to get fat.


• ARNOLD
• Hmmm, broccoli? You'll have someone serve you broccoli all day?


• TAYLOR
• Ew, you're gross Uncle Arnie.


• ARNOLD
• Fine, what would you be fed?


• TAYLOR
• I adore grape nuts.


• ARNOLD
• Adore, do you?


• TAYLOR
• My people would pour my grape nuts and then put it the milk and give it to me.


• ARNOLD
• Alright then.


• The car continues to hum along.


• TAYLOR
• You know, I like this boy, Mickey, at school.


• Arnold smiles at her matter-of-fact-ness.


• ARNOLD
• Well, as long as he doesn't have funny ears.


• TAYLOR
• No. But I might have to fire him.


• ARNOLD
• And why is that, niece-of-mine?


• TAYLOR
• He got mad that I used his Bible to write on. He said I wasn't perfect and that he was, that he was just like Jesus.


• ARNOLD
• Well, I have a question then, there's something I've always wanted to know, and seeing that you apparently know Jesus in the flesh, could I ask?


• TAYLOR
• Fine. So?


• ARNOLD
• What kind of cereal does Jesus like?


• TAYLOR
• Grapenuts. Definitely.


• ARNOLD
• Oh good, 'cause I'd heard he was a cornflakes guy, and I knew that just couldn't be right.


• TAYLOR
• Definitely not cornflakes.


• They pull into a driveway.


• ARNOLD
• Well, we're here.


• Taylor carefully unbuckles her seatbelt.


• ARNOLD
• So, can I keep my job?


• Taylor cocks her head to the side and studies him.


• TAYLOR
• Yes, you're good people.


• Arnold grins.


• She loses her straight face for a moment, but fights it.


• She leans over and gives him a proper peck on the cheek, then hops out of the car, waves at him, and walks up the path the house as the door opens, revealing her MOTHER waiting for her.


• She enters the house as her mother waves at Arnold and he waves back.


• FADE TO BLACK.