FADE IN:
INT. SAINT ANSLEM COLLEGE, NH-NIGHT
John Edwards, Barrack Obama, Bill Richardson and Hillary Clinton sit along a table facing the moderator, Charles Gibson. The candidates appear to nod from time to time, and weave in their chairs. We see a variety of mixed drinks in front of them and underneath the table we see an assortment of various BOTTLES of whiskey, liquor, bourbon, and beer. Under John Edward’s side of the table there are crushed beer cans.
GIBSON (slurring slightly)
Good evening. I’d first like to start out by asking each of you,
why you feel you can be president. Senator Clinton, please begin.
Clinton’s EYES are bloodshot and droopy. She nods awake at hearing her name. She is mixing a DRINK with Bacardi Rum. After she stirs it with a tiny, silver spoon she takes a sip. Her head is bobbing and weaving. She raises a finger while she speaks.
Firtht of all. I wanna say, you can’t keep talking about change.
Change, change, change! Just thtop that, okay?
It’th something that looks pretty on a plaque, but you need a history.
Otherwise it’s an empty thlogan. I embody change!
I’ve been the same for 35 years! He voted for the Patriot Act!
Clinton points at OBAMA, who is startled awake upon hearing his name. He has an almost empty bottle of GIN in front of him. He yelps, waking Senator Edwards, and quickly mixes a Gin and Tonic. He takes a drink and winces, then smirks.
OBAMA (slurring)
Look, change doethn’t happen at the top. It happens at the bottom down.
And I think, err, excuse me, I think that’s what the people saw in Iowa.
We can come together and change this country!
EDWARDS looks livid, he takes a swig of his Natural Ice and tosses the beer can towards Hillary. He points at her.
EDWARDS (slurring with a southern draw)
Now, she didn’t start talkin’ that smack when she was head of the race… and sober.
Woman, put that damned bottle down and leave Obama alone.
You maight as well quit trying to beat this black man, and join him like I done did.
MODERATOR GIBSON is putting away a bottle of Captain Morgan’s spiced rum. After he empties it to its dregs he tosses it behind him. People yell and gasp, and then we hear it shatter. He slowly points at Edwards. Gibson’s EYES open and close shut, he can barely keep his head up.
GIBSON (slurring heavily)
Edwardth, you keep that aggrethive hillbilly shit up and you’re gonna get cut off!
You’re so far up Obama’s ass you could drink his Gin for’ em.
Now, will you wake this guy up? What’s his name?
(he looks to a sheet of paper and points to RICHARDSON)
He’s a senator right? No? Guv...Richardson? Yeah wake him up somebody for chrissake?
The others wake RICHARDSON. He has three empty Jack Daniel’s bottles in front of him. He raises his head for a moment, pukes on the table, then slumps back down, face first on the table. The others turn to one another, ignoring Richardson, and begin a squabble. They throw bottles and cans at each other. They are shouting obscenities and pointing fingers at each other.
HILLARY
Yeah, I’ll iron your shirt you redneck, only if you’re wearing it while I do it!
BILL CLINTON arrives at the scene. He is dressed in blue jeans and a white button up shirt. He appears sober, and jolly. He raises his hands, as if to calm the melee.
BILL
Will you guys just settle down?
You’re causing a scene that I won’t even
be able to help you talk your way out of.
The candidates stop the melee and turn towards Bill. Their heads sink low in embarrassment.
BILL
Let’s go to my pad and drink some coffee, and sober up eh?
The candidates nod. GIBSON appears distraught. He stands up and motions for them to sit down, but they follow BILL offstage.
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